Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
