My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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