I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
