"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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