google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
