Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
