Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
