New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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