Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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