There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
