After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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