I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is classic penis vs brain.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
