So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
