It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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