i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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