If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
