dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
