No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
