i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
