just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
