God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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