He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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