apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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