I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
