halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize