New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
