I think my fart just growled at me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
