TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
