Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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