Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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