dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
