This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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