so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
