You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
