This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
