Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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