Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
