About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
