I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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