Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i will never coherently bang her
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
