Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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