I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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