I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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