Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
