If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
