Swine flu is the new snow day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
