I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
