Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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