At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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