It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
