I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
