I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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