i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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