Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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