Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
