hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
