your room smells of hookers.
And success
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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