My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
