I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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