She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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